by Maria Kissouri from YAPRap November 2007
This article is the first in a two-part series on domestic and family violence:
- Part 1 focuses on the dynamics of DFV in young people's intimate relationships.
- Part 2 focuses on the specific impact on adolescents of DFV within the home.
One in 3 women will experience some form of domestic violence in their lifetime. Young women are amongst the highest at risk!
One third of all Australian women will experience domestic or family violence within their lifetime (note 1 below). Abusive relationships are characterised by controlling behaviours. An abuser creates an environment where his partner is unable to freely make decisions about her life, puts her down, prevents her from pursuing her goals, isolates her from family and friends and uses the threat of violence to scare her into submission. None of these behaviours actually involve physical violence. They are however a warning sign that the disrespectful, and degrading behaviour may escalate into physical violence. Controlling behaviours are often the more scaring and hurtful things perpetrated by domestic violence.
Domestic and family violence (DFV) is very serious, very common and very deadly. Young people are affected by DFV in two ways. They may be victimised by living within an environment where one parent abusers the other. They may themselves be targets of the violence occurring within their homes. Or they may be victims of abuse perpetrated by their own partner.
Youth services may be ideally placed to break through the cycles of abuse that can perpetuate the experience of violence and the vulnerability to continued violence from one generation to the next. By intervening in an appropriate manner with a survivor of DFV, youth service providers can guide and support young people through the interagency maze of emotional, legal, police, social and family support services
Why is domestic violence relevant to the youth sector?
Domestic violence is one of the highest causes of homelessness. It affects a vast number of young people, whether or not they have themselves been a victim. Since the effect of DFV on individuals is life-long, the support and intervention received by young people is vital to their emotional, and social development. Youth services have the opportunity to play a role in the prevention of further violence by simply recognising patterns of abuse, informing young people on the options involved in breaking the cycles of DFV and developing local interagency responses.
Take a moment to consider the young people you have interacted with over the past two years. How many of these young people have displayed behaviours such as aggression, being withdrawn from adults, difficulty relating to their peers, severe lack of confidence… How many of these young people are victims of some form of family violence? I would guess a large majority. If you work with children of single parent families (2), or with Indigenous communities, then you are more likely to interact with adolescent victims of DFV.
Youth workers have an important role in communicating positive messages and support to the large number of young people affected by DFV. Equally important is the role youth service providers play in educating young people about their right to enjoy healthy relationships, and what a healthy relationship looks and feels like. Finally, young people's experience of DFV has significant implications on youth workers' duty of care.
Intervention often begins in the recognition of the complex dynamics of DFV. There are a number of supports that can be provided by youth service providers, regardless of your resource constraints. This article will go some way in identifying these dynamics, and includes key services in NSW that address DFV.
There are many definitions of domestic violence, none of them simple. Domestic violence cannot be characterised by one action. It can be difficult to identify, particularly for the person in the relationship. And because it occurs within the “home” the defining characteristics are as different as each family affected. DFV is characterised by a pattern of behaviours used by one partner to gain control of, and power over, their partner. Gendered language is often used to refer to victims as female and perpetrators as males. It is the case that there are situations where a woman is a perpetrator of DFV, however this is a rare occasion, as evident in the statistics quoted below. DFV also occurs in same-sex relationships - see AIDS Council of NSW site: http://ssdv.acon.org.au/information/children.php.
It is overwhelmingly an issue for women, of all ages, cultures and socio-economic backgrounds, yet there are so many misunderstandings about what DFV is.
Jane & Andy
Consider the following scenario as an aid to understanding.
Jane is a 15 year old Argentinean girl whose parents speak Spanish, and limited English. She is in Year 9 at a public high school in Penrith. She has been in three brief relationships with guys from her school, but they all ended when Jane grew frustrated with the gossip by her peers speculating that she was sexually active, she was labelled with derogatory terms and this affected her friendships with other girls in her grade.
One night whilst out with her older sister, Jane met Andy. Andy is 19 and living with two friends in a share house in a nearby suburb. At first meeting, Jane really liked Andy, she found him more mature and appealing than the boys her age. Andy called Jane at least three times per day in the first week of them meeting. He complimented her each time he saw her. Andy wanted to know everything about Jane and told her he felt they would be together for a very long time. Jane felt so comfortable with Andy that she told him things that she had never shared with anybody else. After four weeks of being in a relationship, Jane told Andy about her experiences of being sexually abused as a young child. A neighbour who was a trusted friend of her parents had raped Jane from the age of 8 to 12 years. Andy promised Jane that he would look after her and never let anyone hurt her that way again.
The relationship between them was not sexual for some time. Andy told Jane he wanted to wait till she was 16 in respect of her previous experience. Jane was so pleased about this because she explained to Andy that other boys that she had been in a relationship with wanted sex.
So far, the relationship sounds ideal! You may be thinking that Andy is too old for Jane, or that he is a little clingy. But there is no indication of abuse or ill-treatment, and you may be concerned that with Jane being so smitten by him, telling her of your concerns may be met with animosity? The scenario continues.
Andy is a student at a local TAFE and has two days free per week. Each week Andy tries to convince Jane to skip school and spend time with him at his home. Jane is having a difficult time relating to her peers at school so she is easily convinced to miss school. Andy explains to Jane that if her friends were true they would spend time with her after school. Jane invited her school friends to a party at Andy's house one night and an argument broke out between Jane and one of her friends who told Jane that she was stupid for being involved with Andy because he was only after sex, and he would dump her once she turned 16 and slept with him. When Andy heard the argument he screamed at Jane's friend to leave his house. When the friend told Andy he was a creep Andy took her arm and dragged her out of the house. Jane's other friends became fearful and left the party telling Jane she was a different girl when she's around Andy.
We now begin to have concerns about Andy and his intentions with Jane, not to mention his violent outburst with her friend. The consequences of his actions are that Jane is further isolated from her peers. The absences from school will make it difficult for her to continue her education, hampering Jane's previous hopes to study journalism. Andy's behaviour, whilst it is unhealthy and damaging there is no evidence that he is deliberately acting in a way that is controlling of Jane. We can assume though that Andy is likely to be the only person in Jane's life now that is giving her positive reinforcement, and her association with him is now more difficult to break.
Jane turns 16 and Andy takes her out for a meal and buys her wine. They celebrate her birthday together and she spends the night at his house. When she asks about protection, Andy tells Jane that he will take care of her and that she doesn't have to worry about diseases or pregnancy with him, he knows what he's doing. Jane tries to protest but Andy convinces her that he knows better as he has more experience and after all he has done for her, she should trust him.
When Jane returns home her parents question where she spent the night and why she wasn't home for the annual birthday dinner that is customary in their family. Jane explains that her boyfriend Andy wanted to take her out and that she didn't tell her parents she wouldn't be home because she knew they wouldn't approve. Jane's parents question her on why she hasn't been spending time with her school friends and doing her homework and Jane explains that she feels her destiny is to marry Andy and have children, so going to school is a waste of time. Her parents are concerned but save themselves an argument because it is Jane's birthday. Jane's parents have found it difficult managing Jane's behaviour since she turned 11, they worry that she has turned away from Argentinean culture. Both parents work seven days per week so they feel as though they have no control over what their daughters do when they are not home.
Andy's controlling patterns of behaviour are now beginning to take shape. Jane's hopes for her future have changed, she has no plan to reinstate her relationships with friends and her parents are beginning to question and misunderstand her actions. The level of control Andy now has over Jane is making it increasingly difficult for her to recognise that the relationship is unhealthy. The scenario continues.
At 17 years of age Jane decides to leave school and has been offered a job working in a bakery owned by Andy's aunty. Andy contacts Jane every morning to ensure she arrives safely at work. He continues to call her three times per day and this eventually sees her in trouble with the boss. Jane asks Andy to contact her outside work hours only but Andy becomes suspicious that she is hiding something from him, so he continues to call. Jane is fired from the bakery after three months. Jane applies for work in an office in the city but Andy convinces her that travelling to the city alone every day is dangerous so Jane misses the job interview. Being unemployed causes great tension for Jane in her family home as her parents are shamed by their daughter leaving school early. Her parents require her to work with them three days per week in the family business. Jane hates this work so Andy attempts to discuss the matter with her father. Andy and Jane's father have an argument and Andy is asked to never return to the family home. Her father tells Jane that she is embarrassing the family and says that she is never to see Andy again. If she refuses she will have to find somewhere else to live.
Jane moves into Andy's share house where Jane feels trapped as she is unemployed and home all day cooking and doing the housework. Andy promises her that they will soon have a beautiful wedding and will move into their own place. At age 19 Jane is married and pregnant. Jane now feels confused and lonely; her only friends are her sister and Andy's friends. Jane is petrified of being a mother and confused about her feelings for Andy. Whilst she loves Andy, she blames him for all the problems she had with her parents. Andy and Jane argue daily about money, friends, work and the expected baby. During an argument one night Andy tells Jane that she is fat and ugly with her big stomach and he tells her to go to the bedroom and leave him alone. She turns to him crying, telling him it's entirely his fault; he said this wouldn't happen. Andy runs over to Jane, pulling her by the hair and pushes her into the room, closing the door in her face. Although she is not physically hurt, Jane is very scared; she's never seen Andy so angry. Jane decides to go to bed and never mention it again. She begins spending a great deal more time in her room, in bed.
The patterns of abuse are now clearer. Andy has succeeded in isolating Jane from all her supports. Her life's direction has been dictated by Andy's actions, which were clearly deliberate. Andy's intention in the relationship was to dominate and control Jane. When the dynamics of the relationship changed, by Jane falling pregnant, Andy became more possessive and out of control.
The abuse continues and intensifies, with Andy continuing to physically assault Jane on three other occasions during the pregnancy. Jane was identified by the antenatal staff of the hospital as being in an abusive relationship and assessed as high risk of developing post-natal depression. A report is made to the NSW Department of Community Services (DOCS). Jane refuses intervention by the hospital so DOCS refer her to the local Youth Health Service to participate in a pre-natal group for young women. Here Jane meets a counsellor who she trusts, but she lies to Andy about where she is because he doesn't approve of her talking to “do-gooders”. The counsellor tells Jane the dynamics of the relationship are abusive and that she has the right to live free of fear of abuse. Jane wants to stay with Andy and believes once the child is born they will resolve their problems. Andy told Jane that if she doesn't talk back to him, he won't become that angry, so Jane feels she might be able to keep the situation under control if she complies. Jane and her counsellor develop a contract together that ensures if Andy's anger escalates, she will contact the Police and ask them to intervene.
You may be thinking, Jane should just leave Andy and go back to live with her parents. The reality for Jane is that Andy has taken such control over her life, financially, socially and emotionally that she cannot see a life without him. Furthermore, her opportunities to receive intervention are limited due to the isolation created by Andy. The fear she holds that Andy will hurt her if she leaves him is also a reality. Jane feels ashamed that her relationship has not worked out how she hoped, she is embarrassed about the fact that she fell pregnant at such a young age, and she definitely will not choose to be a single mum. Jane feels that Andy's behaviour is not that bad because he has never punched or kicked her, it's only been a few occasions of pushing and shoving. She feels, at this point, that she can handle the situation.
Andy argues with Jane one night about the home being untidy and her being lazy and dirty . Andy started throwing objects around the house and yelling in a rage. Jane became fearful and called 000 to ask for help. The Police took a statement from Jane about the events, and then Jane felt she was going into labour, so the Police took her to the hospital. Jane was hospitalised for three days. In this time her parents and her counsellor were called. The Police had taken out an Apprehended Domestic Violence Order that protects Jane from Andy but does not stop her from seeing, living with or talking to Andy. With additional support from the hospital social worker, Jane decides to return to her parent's home until the baby is born.
You may be thinking, “What is the benefit of an AVO”? The options associated with, and benefits of an AVO are explained below. In this scenario, Andy has succeeded in diminishing what existed of Jane's adolescent self-esteem. By behaving in a controlling manner, Andy has set Jane up to have a confused and coloured view of relationships. He has affected Jane's view of herself at a time when her self-identity and esteem are developing. At the age of 15, Jane's psychological development is being shaped by her experiences and messages she receives from significant others. The childhood experience of sexual assault has remained hidden; consequently Jane has not had the opportunity to have support in combating any damaging messages that came from being a victim of sexual assault. Andy reinforced such messages in degrading her by telling her she is dirty.
Intervention
In this example, the youth service provider's intervention of negotiating Jane's contact with the Police was successful in preventing a potentially lethal assault on Jane and the unborn child. Jane faces many barriers to escaping the abusive relationship. These barriers include financial hardship given she is likely to be dependant on Centrelink; the legal process now underway with the Police; Family Law; Andy's right to spend time with his newborn child; her limited social supports outside the relationship to Andy; and, most significantly, her emotional ties to Andy. Throughout the three and a half year relationship Andy behaved in a way that communicated to Jane that she needed him, and he was the only person she could rely on. For the past three and a half years Jane has been closer to Andy than anyone else. With the arrival of a baby, she is likely to feel most vulnerable, lonely and isolated, making it more difficult for her to break free from the violent relationship.
A holistic approach to supporting Jane is the best approach. It is evident that a number of key agencies became involved in Jane's life at this difficult time. Intervention in DFV will require the involvement of a range of services, including youth service providers.
Warning: Only provide a support role to the perpetrator of the violence if it is within your capacity. When working with victims of DFV, intervening with the perpetrators of this violence requires specialised skills and strategies; otherwise it can be very dangerous work, for both you and their partner. Without appropriate training and supervision, workers who attempt to work with victims and perpetrators can slip into the dangerous and damaging role of mediating the conflict. Mediation is NOT an appropriate approach to domestic violence as the behaviour of the abuser is deliberate and intended to gain power over their partner. Mediation is only successful where two people have equal say and equal power. This can be a much hidden dynamic within the relationship, so getting advice from a domestic violence service is crucial in situations where you are required to support both partners within a DFV relationship.
Here is a list of emotional, legal, police support, and social and family support interventions that would be helpful to Jane:
Emotional support: Youth service providers who are not counsellors can support a young woman such as Jane by:
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Believing her story. Reinforce that the breakdown of the relationship and the abuse are HIS responsibility.
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Tell her that her safety is important - she needs not only to be safe from physical harm, but a sense of safety and security in relationships is just as important.
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State that it is her RIGHT in a relationship to enjoy equal partnership.
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Point out examples of the inequality in her relationship.
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Combat the myths about domestic violence.
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Don't be afraid of telling her that you are worried that he may hurt her again, even if she has told you that she believes he will not hurt her again.
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Let her know that your door is always open, whether she decides to leave the relationship or not.
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Be aware and supportive of the fact that her attitude toward the relationship will differ depending on whether she remains in the relationship, or leaves.
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Provide access to activities that reflect her interests, where she is able to achieve results and develop greater self-confidence.
Legal / Police support: The role of the Police is also crucial with Jane as they have taken out an Apprehended Violence Order (AVO) on her behalf. This process will most likely have a bearing on DOCS assessment of the risk to the unborn child. Jane will be required to attend the local court to instruct the Police. The Police will ask Jane what protection she feels will help her. There are a number of orders/conditions that can be applied for through an AVO. The standard conditions on an AVO DO NOT prohibit a person from having contact with their partner. An AVO can be useful for women such as Jane who want to maintain their relationship. They can also be applied for to protect women who are fearful of their partner or ex-partner having contact with them, residing with them, or coming within close proximity. The Police can provide detailed advice about this.
Youth service providers can assist a victim of DFV to secure legal protection. Each individual has their own perception about involving Police in their situation. Young people considering this should be aware that there are specialised Police officers called Domestic Violence Liaison Officers (DVLOs) who play the role of supporting victims in DFV situations. Young people also have the option of going directly to the local court to apply for an AVO for their protection. Applying for an AVO via the local court will require her to arrange her own legal representation. (Support exists for women in NSW who apply for an ADVO via the local court. More at www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au). Applying via the Police means she is represented by the Police Prosecutor in court. Many women fear the consequences of an AVO: “Will it make him angrier?” “Will it cause him to have a criminal record, or go to jail?” NSW research (3) found that 90% of participants found an AVO had benefits in assisting the person to feel safer.
When supporting a young person to apply for an AVO:
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Familiarise yourself with the complicated process involved in applying for an AVO.
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Refer the person to your local Women's Domestic Violence Court Assistance Scheme. These schemes operate victims' safe rooms in numerous courts in NSW. For local contacts go to www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au, follow the link to Services, follow the link to Women's Domestic Violence Court Assistance Program.
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These services also have written information on the processes involved in applying for AVOs. They can act as advocates for your client on the day. Ensure the Coordinator of your local scheme is aware of your client's situation prior to the court day, as they have established connections with the court and with Police.
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Liaise closely with the local DVLO.
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Take the young person to the Court House prior to their day in court. Let them know the courtroom at the local court is open so there will be other people present in the court hearing their matter.
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Support the young person on the day. Sit with her; ensure the Police are clear about her fears and which orders/conditions she is seeking.
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Be aware that she is likely to be extremely fearful of her partner on this day. Talk with her about how she will maintain her safety whether she remains in the relationship or is separated. Women who are separated from an abusive partner are amongst the highest at risk, particularly at the time of separation. Work with her, taking advice from DV support workers, to develop a safety plan.
Social / family supports: Jane may benefit from a youth worker's support in communicating with her family. Andy's actions helped to create the separation of Jane from her family. Youth service providers can assist to educate the family that it was the dynamics of the relationship, which Andy is responsible for, that created the conflict. This may assist the family to retain hope that the situation can improve.
Encourage Jane to think of ways that she can reinstate her relationships with people she lost contact with throughout the relationship with Andy. Alternatively, informing her of the opportunities that exist for her to develop new social networks and friendships. Activities such as parenting groups and playgroups, and activities offered through programs such as family support services. For information about local contacts see www.nswfamilyservices.asn.au.
Service development considerations include the development of relationships between domestic violence / women's health / sexual assault services and youth services in the development of accessible and appropriate programs that promote healthy relationships and negotiating consent (4). Consider providing an office space to a local counsellor who may be able to accept referrals. This may assist in improving your clients' access to counselling services. Strategies aimed at both young women and young men are crucial. Involvement in planning of local events for White Ribbon Day can be helpful in establishing networks with other professionals who are combating the issue of DFV.
Financial support: Difficulties in gaining an independent income can be a contributing factor to a DFV victim returning to an abusive relationship. Advocacy, information and support in securing an independent income will be a crucial role for youth service providers. Contact your local Centrelink Social Worker, or Youth Outreach team to assist her to navigate the process.
Immediate danger
Where a woman is in immediate danger, advise her to contact the Police. A crisis refuge may be the most appropriate referral in such situations. For information about locating a refuge contact the Domestic Violence Line on 1800 65 64 63.
Prevalence
A 2005 Australian Bureau of Statistics study found that the home was the most common location for physical assaults to occur for women (64% of physical assaults were by male perpetrators). Family members or friends were the most likely perpetrators of physical assault on women (37%) and strangers were more likely to physically assault men (66%). Men who were physically assaulted by a male perpetrator were more likely to have been assaulted at licensed premises (34%) or in the open (35%). One in five women (19%) had been stalked at some stage in their lifetime.
These results show how important it is for youth service providers to be aware of the common dynamics of DFV, including behaviours such as stalking. Stalking is a common tactic used by abusive people to attempt to regain control in a relationship that has ended. (Women in abusive relationships also report being stalked by their partners, eg. being constantly monitored, him showing up when she's out with friends or family, persistent phone calls etc). This tactic may be an indicator of the person's intention to harm the victim. Stalking should be taken very seriously and reported to Police.
Young women are reported in the International Violence Against Women Study (IVAWS) to be amongst the highest risk groups. Over one in 10 women that participated in the study aged 18-24 had experienced sexual violence in the previous 12 months, in comparison with no more than 2% of women aged 45 and over.
Indigenous women reported experiencing significantly higher levels of physical violence than non-Indigenous women (5). This article may not adequately represent the experiences of Indigenous young women, particularly those living within remote and rural areas of NSW. Consult your Regional Violence Against Women Specialist for more localised information, and information regarding local Indigenous and non-Indigenous organisations addressing the issue of DFV locally. The website www.dpc.nsw.gov.au/vpcu may have information about recent initiatives in NSW.
Women reported the perpetrators of physical violence to be firstly a partner they are separated from, and secondly, a current boyfriend. Current boyfriend was also reported as the highest perpetrator of sexual violence. Programs aimed at educating young people about negotiating sexual consent, and developing healthy relationships are crucial in the prevention of such abuse. Youth service providers may be best positioned to team up with domestic violence and sexual assault providers to develop and deliver such programs.
IVAWS results support the idea of cycles of abuse or generational violence. A predictor of perpetration and victimisation of violence in young people's relationships is the experience of witnessing male to female violence in the home. This does not indicate however that all children who live in abusive households will end up perpetrators or victims in adulthood. The issue of cycles of abuse are complex, and have been explored a great deal in academic writings. For further advice on the matter refer to the work of Dr Lesley Laing, University of Sydney.
The risk of sexual violence in adulthood doubles for women who were abused as children. This is an important fact when combating the misconception that young women desire “bad boys”; and they make the choice to be in an abusive relationship. One reason young women who grew up in abusive homes are more likely to be in abusive relationships as adults is the low self esteem that can develop as a result of the abuse. Another reason is that their earlier experiences normalised controlling and abusive behaviour by dictating violence as a legitimate response to difficult situations.
IVAWS reports 22% of women victimised as children had not experienced any physical or sexual victimisation since the age of 16 years. Protective factors for young women, in preventing cycles of abuse is involvement with extended family and people in the community, support from teachers and friends and family members. This supports the vital role that youth services can play in the breaking of these destructive cycles!
Research in 1999 conducted by a National Crime Prevention Program (6) records, of the young people surveyed who had had a partner at some time, one third of them reported incidents within these relationships that could be defined as physical violence.
Most women don't report incidents of abuse to the Police. This can be due to not identifying the behaviour as criminal, being fearful of the consequences by the abuser, guilt, shame, her perception of her own rights as a woman within a relationship, a preference to deal with it themselves or within the family, not knowing what to expect from a Police response and not wanting their partner to be in trouble. Women prefer to disclose to family, friends, and 12% seek help from doctors or counsellors (7). This highlights the importance of youth services maintaining effective relationships within their communities and establishing an overall reputation within the community as a point of contact for young people and their families.
Barriers or opportunities
The full resolution of DFV is of course beyond the youth sector. Prevalence, cycles of abuse, the long-term impact on people affected and notions that it is a private issue, all act as barriers to our intervention. It is also recognised that due to the prevalence of DFV, all of us are personally affected in one way or another.
The key to successful long-term intervention lies with young people. We cannot ignore the horrific fact that young women are amongst the highest risk group. But young women have access to information and resources that was not available to their mothers and grandmothers. This gives hope for a future where young women are more in tune with recognising an abusive partner early in the relationship, and more equipped with information and support to allow them to end the relationship or seek assistance.
Building support systems for young men is equally important so that they are able to break their own cycles of abuse, recognise an abusive, controlling relationship in adults and make choices about the relationships they form with a partner.
Creating environments where young people can talk openly about relationships regardless of gender, sexuality and socio-economic status is an area youth service providers are reputed to be effective. This provides the ideal opportunity for youth service providers to be innovative about tackling DFV locally.
Notes
- Mouzos J, Makkai T, 2004 Women's experiences of male violence Findings from the Australian component of the International Violence Against Women Survey (IVAWS) Institute of Criminology
- The IVAWS study shows women who are separated are more likely to be at risk, as post-separation abuse is extremely common. Hence, young people are more likely to be victims of DFV in their parental home.
- Trimboli, L & Bonney, An Evaluation of the NSW Apprehended Violence Order Scheme, NSW Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research, Sydney, 1997
- NSW Violence Against Women Specialist Unit has a negotiating consent resource for use by teachers and others. Try www.dpc.nsw.gov.au/vpcu or contact you Regional Violence Against Women Specialist.
- ibid
- Indermaur, D 2001 ‘Young Australians and Domestic Violence' Australian Institute of Criminology Trend and Issues Fact sheet No 195 2001 Canberra
- ibid
Additional resources
- Domestic and family violence: Not just an adult issue! - Part 2: In the family home, at www.yapa.org.au/youthwork/facts/dfv2.php
Thanks to Janette Prichard for her assistance in editing this article!
Opinions: are the author's and not necessarily YAPA's. Be careful! YAPA and the author took reasonable care to ensure that this information was correct at the time of publishing. However government regulations, laws and standards are complex and changing constantly. The author/s have no health, occupational health and safety, or legal qualifications (unless stated), and information provided is general - it is not specific legal or professional advice. Do not rely on it - check with other publications and authorities and if necessary get qualified legal or professional advice for your situation.
