from YAPRap January 2007
by Maria Kissouri
This article is the second in a two-part series on domestic and family violence:
- Part 1 focuses on the dynamics of DFV in young people's intimate relationships.
- Part 2 focuses on the specific impact on adolescents of DFV in the family home.
Domestic and family violence (DFV) is a tragedy that affects people of all ages, religions, cultures, sub-cultures and economic positions. There are many misconceptions about what it is and the causes of domestic violence. Having an understanding of the dynamics within families where DFV occurs is crucial for youth service providers as it is guaranteed you will come across families where dynamics of DFV are present.
The Domestic Violence Advocacy Service defines DFV as: “a situation where one person in a relationship uses violent and/or intimidating tactics to control and dominate another person” (note 1 below). Abusive relationships are characterised by a pattern of controlling behaviours (2).
DFV incorporates a number of forms of abuse including physical violence (including the threat of violence), sexual assault (including unwanted touching and sexual acts other than intercourse), psychological abuse (including emotional abuse such as persistent put-downs, use of mental health problems, guilt etc), and intimidation and stalking.
Many people have heard of the honeymoon cycle of abuse where abusers' control tactics build up to a violent or aggressive incident, which is followed by remorse and regret, but eventually returns to control. It is important to note that many DFV situations do not follow this pattern. Relationships where DFV exists are universal in that the perpetrator's intention is to gain power and control. The dynamics of each relationship are different; therefore each victim's experience varies. Client centred approaches are key in responding to DFV.
Young people in families where DFV is present are affected in a number of different ways. The affect of the experience of DFV within their household will vary according to the child's age, gender, the extent to which they witnessed or were victimised themselves in the violence, and their own perception of the situation.
The following scenario demonstrates some of the common dynamics and responses to DFV (3).
Sally is a 16-year-old girl living in a small town on the far north coast of NSW. Sally is the second eldest in a family of five. She recalls her parents arguing since she was a very young child. The home is a very tense environment and as well as family conflict there is constant fights between her siblings, particularly her older and younger brother. Being the eldest girl, Sally is often expected to get her sisters ready for school and prepare their lunch etc. Sally's mum Andrea often calls her into her room to tell her that she is not feeling well and needs Sally to look after the household for the day while she recovers. This pattern began when Sally was 11 years of age.
Sally's family are well known within their small community. At this stage we are probably assuming that many people within the community suspect there is a problem within the family but are unsure or reluctant about what to do about it. The isolation of living in a remote community compounds the isolation of being victims of domestic violence. Isolation from resources and support services contributes to the barriers women and children in DFV situations experience to escaping the violence. Isolation from such supports can be due to geographic location, criteria of services, (4) culture of organisations their perceptions of DFV, lack of anonymity within small communities, (5) and language barriers to name a few. The scenario continues.
Sally has always understood that her mother's illness always comes after her parents have had a big fight. On these nights Sally hears the sound of things being thrown around, crying, screaming, thumping and glass breaking. She lies in bed shaking hoping her sisters are asleep. Sally recalls being younger and hearing her father tell her mother she was a lazy, useless mother because the sink was full of dishes. Early the next morning Sally's father tells her that her mother is having a sleep-in because she had too much to drink the night before. He tells Sally not to worry about the yelling she heard; that Andrea had to be “kept in-line” because she isn't very good at coping with a big family. He told Sally everything would be OK from now on. Sally will never forget the feelings of guilt and regret she felt on this night, as she was asked by her mother to clean the dishes, and went to bed instead. Sally always wonders if she had been a different child, would her father be so cruel to the family?
The likelihood that the children and their mother will feel guilty and responsible for the abuse is high. This is because Sally's father places the blame on his victims. The dynamics of DFV are such that a perpetrator will place the responsibility for the difficulties on others and feels he is entitled to act in a way that enables him control. It is common for children living in families where there is DFV to feel guilt and responsible for the abuse as a result of the messages sent by the abuser. It is also common for girls to take on additional caring responsibilities. The scenario continues.
Sally regularly attends the local youth drop in centre in town. On one particular night the youth workers sense she is not herself. She discloses that her 17-year-old brother Joe had a big fight with her dad. The incident began when Joe came home to find his dad lying on top of his mum on the lounge room floor. Andrea was whimpering and crying out for him to stop. Joe pushed his dad off and a fistfight started. Joe ran to the bathroom to get away but his dad broke the door and threatened to kill him if he ever touched him again. Joe's dad stated “she's my wife and I can do what I please, keep your nose out of it!” Joe packs a bag and travels to the city to stay with his uncle. Sally tells the workers she feels scared because Joe was a good brother, always protective. She is worried that her younger brother Michael is turning out to be like his father. She asks the workers not to tell anyone about what she has disclosed.
The youth workers know the family; their mothers went to school with Andrea. The workers are concerned that reporting the situation to the Department of Community Services, in concern for Sally and her siblings, may make the situation worse, put them in a difficult situation within their community and jeopardise their relationship with Sally.
Sally's 15-year-old brother Michael is really affected by Joe moving out of home. He begins spending more time away from home, leaves school and is getting the attention of local Police. Michael wakes up one morning to find his mother sitting on the lounge. He asks her to make his breakfast and she tells him that he should be at school, so she is not going to make him breakfast, as he needs to take responsibility for himself. Michael becomes angry, tells his mother she is a fat, lazy cow and slams the door on his way out. Andrea feels helpless to act in disciplining Michael, in fear of the consequences by his father.
Michael's reaction to the situation is such that he repeats the messages his father gives to his mother. It may be the case that a contributing factor to Michael leaving school is a lack of concentration due to the difficulties within the home. It may be the case that Michael is not being provided with guidance about boundary setting, this is likely to be a contributing factor to the increased risk taking behaviour that is seeing him come to the attention of the Police.
The response provided by Andrea in this situation is vital to our analysis of Michael's response to the DFV. Andrea is seen to be implementing boundaries around Michael's actions, within an environment where she lacks control over parenting. Andrea is strategic in her responses to the situation, which is common amongst long-term victims of DFV. We can take the simplistic view of Andrea in this situation as a bad parent. We would be more helpful as service providers to take a strengths-based approach, recognising the value of Andrea's resilience to the DFV. Sally, as the client, is helped by an approach, which recognises the strength and resilience of Andrea and the children, rather than their helplessness and powerlessness.
Prevalence
DFV is an issue affecting a great deal of people within your community. One in three Australian women (6) will have an experience of DFV within their lifetime. Up to one quarter of young people in Australia report having witnessed domestic violence against their maternal caregiver. Indigenous young people are almost twice as likely to report this experience (7).
Intervention
Key responses to adolescent DFV victims:
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The behaviours within DFV relationships are criminal and unacceptable.
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It's not their fault. Only the person who perpetrates the abuse should be held responsible.
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All family members are affected by DFV and those victimised deserve respect.
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Healthy relationships are equal relationships. Be aware that the messages you give young people about relationships will be spread to their peers. Given young people are more likely to tell a friend than a Police officer or youth worker, these messages are crucial.
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Use clear and direct language to assist the young person's understanding of the situation.
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Be clear about your child protection obligations! When developing trusting relationships with young people, let them know the circumstances in which you are required to report current concerns about risk of harm.
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Share the young person's story with your supervisor to ensure you are doing everything you can to support their safety.
Bev Lazarou, Coordinator of the Southern Sydney Women's Domestic Violence Court Assistance Scheme, gives youth service providers the following advice:
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Keep talking to young people about relationships and what they should expect.
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Education campaigns for young people on safety in public places could be adapted to include information about keeping safe at home.
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Don't view DFV as a relationship problem; call it DFV. The issues of the relationship cannot be resolved unless the DFV is addressed.
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Educate yourself as a professional. Keep a list of local specialist services. Understand their service and its limitations. Always facilitate a referral to another service; rather than providing the client with a contact number, make contact with the service initially yourself and offer to go with your client to visit the service.
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Keep legal information simple, DON'T provide legal advice and tell young people what they should expect from any legal outcomes.
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Always follow up with the young person to ensure they are safe. Let them know that your door is always open and they can discuss their fears with you.
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Encourage young people to recognise the warning signs in abusive relationships. Each person has the ability to develop an instinct for recognising an unhealthy dynamic within a new relationship, whether its her own relationship, her mother's relationship, or a friend's relationship.
Cross sector relations are crucial in situations of DFV intervention. Domestic violence service providers are often specialists in legal intervention in DFV. Given the prevalence of DFV, interagency and cross-sector initiatives are an effective way of maximising resources, knowledge and skills and hence more likely to infiltrate cycles of abuse.
Youth service providers do not need to be specialists in DFV, they need only to know where to locate the specialists and be consistent about the messages they provide to young people about relationships, so they themselves can identify abusive relationships, and seek out support.
Notes
Thanks to Bev Lazarou, and the young people interviewed for their time and interest in this article.
- p11 Women's Domestic Violence Court Assistance Program Support Workers' Kit third edition 2005 Women's Domestic Violence Court Assistance Program Training and Resource Unit
- Further definitions are provided in Part 1 of this article.
- This scenario is fictitious; any resemblance to an actual family is coincidence.
- Many crisis domestic violence refuges in NSW have guidelines that restrict access to families with adolescent boys. These guidelines exist appropriately for the protection of residents; however there are limited crisis accommodation options for families with adolescent boys escaping violence. Crisis refuges can refer people in this situation to alternative accommodation.
- In small communities it is impossible for people to remain anonymous to service providers, and options for support from organisations is either minimal or non-existent. This can be the case both within rural and remote areas as well as within small cultural community groups within Sydney.
- Mouzos J, Makkai T, 2004 Women's experiences of male violence Findings from the Australian component of the International Violence Against Women Survey (IVAWS) Institute of Criminology
- D. Indermaur 2001 Young Australians and Domestic Violence Australian Institute of Criminology
Additional References
Laing, L 2000 ‘Children, Young People and Domestic Violence' Australian and Domestic Violence Clearinghouse, Sydney.
National Crime Prevention 2000, ‘Young People and Domestic Violence': National Research on young people's attitudes and experiences of domestic violence. National Crime Prevention; Department of Education, Training and Youth Affairs; Partnerships Against Domestic Violence, Canberra.
Opinions: are the author's and not necessarily YAPA's.
Be careful! YAPA and the author took reasonable care to ensure that this information was correct at the time of publishing. However government regulations, laws and standards are complex and changing constantly. The author/s have no health, occupational health and safety, or legal qualifications (unless stated), and information provided is general - it is not specific legal or professional advice. Do not rely on it - check with other publications and authorities and if necessary get qualified legal or professional advice for your situation.
